Malik's Day Out
by SpookyChild
Summary: Malik takes a walk, and finds out all the characters biggest secrets! Woo! He's like a detective! Only...not.
1. Chapter One!

Malik's Day Out

A Yu-Gi-Oh! Fanfiction by SpookyChild

Author's Notes:

Well, here you are again, lost in my sneaky, evil web of lies, deceit, and…Yu-Gi-Oh characters. This is a lovely installment where Malik takes a lovely walk by his lovely self and has a lovely freaking time. I'm actually beginning to feel sorry for him…oh wait, no I'm not.

Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING…except everything in this story! HA! BOOYA, GRANDMA!

The Chapter That Comes Before All Other Chapters!

(That means chapter one.) 

"No Bakura, I don't think it's wise for you to stick Ryou in a box and put him in the cargo area with all the luggage just so you can get a lower price on air-line tickets." Malik stated, holding the phone with one hand and cleaning the windows with the other. "Well, that might work… but what about air?" Malik made a face and held the phone in place with his shoulder. "He's not a damn fish, Bakura…"

"Malik, who's on the phone?" Isis asked, pausing to look into the kitchen.

"Bakura. I think he drank too much Fresca again." Malik put the Windex down and placed his hand on his hip. "Well Bakura, why don't you just go into the Ring, and then Ryou will just buy one ticket?" Malik paused for a moment. "Go to Hell yourself!" He yelled, slamming down the phone. Isis raised an eyebrow.

"What was that all about?" She asked.

"Godzilla." Malik answered absentmindedly. Isis blinked.

"…That had nothing to do with Godzilla!" She yelled.

"Where's Yami?" Malik asked, changing the subject.

"Outside." Isis stated. "He's been watching reruns of old 'Dennis the Menace' episodes, so I gave him a sling shot and told him to go play."

Malik walked over to the window and looked out, seeing his Yami standing in a yard full of dead pigeons, shooting rocks into the sky. Malik opened the window and stuck his head out.

"Yami, what are you doing?" He asked. Yami Malik stopped shooting rocks and grinned at Malik. 

"I'm a menace to society!" Y. Malik giggled. He stopped suddenly and turned to see an elderly man walking down the street. "I'm gonna getcha, Mr. Wilson!" He shrieked, and began pelting the man with rocks. Malik closed the window and sighed. 

"Shouldn't you do something about that man?" Isis asked, glancing out the window nervously. "He's not moving."

"Oh, he'll move. If he knows what's good for him." Malik replied absentmindedly. 

"…That didn't make any sense!"

"I'm going to take a walk." Malik stated, opening the hall closet and grabbing his jacket. "I'll be home in time to watch 'Martha Stuart Living'. But if I'm not, tape it for me. OR I'LL TAPE YOU!" Malik added, waving his arms crazily in front of his sister's face. Isis blinked.

"…Okay." She stammered. Malik nodded and walked out the door, pulling on his jacket. When he passed the mailbox, he noticed that Y. Malik had stopped harassing the elderly man and was now following him. Malik stopped and turned to face him.

"What are you doing?" He asked suspiciously.

"Nothing…" Y. Malik replied innocently.

"Nothing? Or…_something_?"

"Well, I'm certainly not following you, if that's what you're asking." Y. Malik exclaimed. Malik narrowed his eyes.

"How do I _know_ that you're not following me?" He asked. Y. Malik stood there for a moment longer with a grin on his face.

"…I like you." Y. Malik stated, grabbing Malik's head and hugging it tightly. Malik struggled for a minute before pointing behind Y. Malik.

"Look! Keebler Elves!" He stated. Y. Malik quickly dropped Malik and spun around, giving Malik enough time to run away.

"**_I LOVE COOKIES!!!!!_**" Y. Malik screamed and shot out into the distance like a rocket that was just told that Lance Bass was going to navigate it. Malik watched him and shook his head.

"He falls for that every time."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(A/N)

Woo! You just loved that, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?! Yes, you did, because I control your mind. You are thinking of how pretty I am, aren't you? Of course you are. KILL! KILL! KILL! AND SO FORTH! 

Stay tuned for: The Chapter That Comes After The First Chapter! (That means chapter two.)

Thanks for doing that thing!


	2. Chapter Two!

Malik's Day Out

A Yu-Gi-Oh! Fanfiction by SpookyChild

Author's Notes:

Woo! Come back for more, have you? WELL THERE AIN'T NO MORE, I TELLS YA! Okie dokie, I'm done! Malik continues with his walk, and does more stuff! Your pants are itching in anticipation, aren't they? WELL?! Okay! Happy reading, Mr. Itchy-Pants McGee!

Disclaimer: I don't own this stuff, because if I did, then I'd own the stuff.

…Which I don't.

The Chapter That Comes After The First Chapter! 

(That means chapter two.)

_'It's_ _so nice to have a day by my self, without my Yami.' _Malik thought to himself, glancing at the busy people passing him on the street. He grimaced. '_Those shoes with that dress? What the Hell was that girl thinking?'_ Malik shook his head in disgust. '_I_ _mean, don't get me wrong. I like my Yami but sometimes I wish he were more like Yuugi's Yami or even Ryou's. Yuugi's Yami is so confident, strong, dependable...boring as Hell, but he's got strong hair though. Ryou's Yami is, well, he's insane, but at least he doesn't act like a robot who belongs to an alien invader trying to destroy the world, but is always foiled by some kid with a big head. I mean, what's up with that?' _

Malik kicked the ground angrily and continued with his inner rant. '_At least **their** Yamis take care of them and protect them. **I'm** the one who takes care of **him**, making sure to protect **him** from the mass of people who want to shoot his groin! Hell, their Yamis are even their LOVERS! I don't really think I would go that far with my Yami, but still, it would be nice to be ASKED! MY Yami has the intelligence of a two-year old! NOT EVEN THAT! It's like he's an African Grey parrot! He can identify shapes and colors, but damned if you don't have to lock him in a cage once in a while!'_

Malik stopped when he ran into a building. Grumbling, he looked up to see a big sign that read "WACDONALDS". Malik raised his eyebrow.

" 'WacDonalds'? Don't they mean McDo-?" He was immediately cut off when someone jabbed him hard in the side. Malik shrieked and spun around.

"Shhh! Do you want to get sued?!" A passing man asked angrily before hurrying away. Malik raised his eyebrows again and turned back around.

"Umm, okay. I'm kind of hungry anyway. I guess 'WacDonalds' will have to do." Malik pushed the door open and walked into the…'restaurant'. He got in line behind a little girl and her father. The girl looked terribly worried about something and kept fidgeting. Finally, she groaned and dropped onto her father's leg, hugging it tightly.

"Need… PORK…Daddy!" She whined, clawing at him. Malik shuddered in disgust until they left the line. He walked up to the counter.

"Yeah, I would like- KAIBA?!" Malik shrieked, noticing the multi-billionaire standing behind the cash register wearing a giant burger hat.

"Yes?" Seto asked. Malik gaped.

"What are you _doing_ here?" Malik asked finally. 

"Working." Seto answered bluntly.

"What for? You have all the money in the world! You own your own company!" Malik stated. "I don't see how that is possible, though, since you're an orphan and you're only about seventeen years old and any respectable business owner would just steal your ideas and drop you like a plate of microwaved eggs." He added. Seto shrugged.

"I know. That's why I needed a part-time job. This isn't all that bad, though. I'm rolling in dough and I get to spit in people's cokes." He replied with a smirk. "Now, would you like anything?"

Malik briefly scanned the menu. "Umm, just give me a coke." Seto smiled.

"Okie dokie. Moron." He added when he was out of Malik's earshot. He handed Malik his soda and Malik left.

"Well, that was…interesting." Malik stated, looking around with a hand on his hip and sipping his soda. He suddenly froze and remembered what Kaiba told him. He looked down at his coke.

"_EEEWWW, SICK! _" He shrieked, coughing and gagging. Malik shook his head vigorously and began walking down the street again. He had been walking for almost ten minutes when he noticed a line of kids walking into the alleyway. Being the curious little monkey he is, George- uh, Malik decided to investigate. He wandered down the alley, only to find none other than Mokuba sitting at a small table with boxes around him. 

"Mokuba, what the Hell are you doing?" Malik asked, pushing his way through the crowd and standing in front on the table.

"Business." Mokuba stated. "I sell Duel Monster cards."

"Hey," Malik said, picking up a few cards, "these are all Kaiba's cards!" Mokuba shrugged.

"With all the money he's making selling burgers, he can always buy new ones."

"I guess…" Malik said uneasily. He looked over in a box. "Hey, how much do you want for the Blue Eyes White Dragon?"

"Your kidney." Mokuba stated. Malik raised his eyebrow.

"Uh, sorry. I already promised all my internal organs to Bakura." He said uneasily. Mokuba stared at him.

"What's he going to do with them?" Mokuba asked. "He's a spirit."

Malik shrugged. "I don't know, but it had something to do with Brittany Spears and a luxury cruise liner."

"Ah, I see."

"Well," Malik said, turning to leave, "I think I'll be leaving-," He was cut off when a ten-year old boy ran up to the table, collapsing in front of it. He began panting, and Malik noticed he had deep shadows under his eyes and looked really drugged-up.

"Please…Mister Mokuba…just give me one more magic card…" The kid gasped. Mokuba frowned.

"Sorry, Ash, but I'm cutting you off." He replied coolly, turning his head away to some potential customers.

"_Please_!" Ash cried, jumping up on the table and gripping Mokuba's shirt. "_I just need ONE MORE! _Pikachu's been getting smart with me." He added with a paranoid look behind his shoulder. Malik left this horrible display of black-market dealing and quickly backed away, running out of the alley. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Wow, those were some great string of sentences, huh? Did your brain like converting those words into images so you can understand them mentally? I hope so! If you liked it, you should let out a blood-curling scream worthy of a howler monkey! 

Stay tuned for: The Chapter After This Chapter! (That means the third chapter.)

Thanks for doing that thing!


	3. Chapter Three!

Malik's Day Out

A Yu-Gi-Oh! Fanfiction by SpookyChild

Author's Notes:

Oh, Lord Jesus! You're reading another chapter! You are now under my spooooooky spell, which means you will now read all of my other stories! And maul your grandmother! Tell your friends about my stories, and hold an eggbeater over their heads until they read them! The more people who read, the closer I come to taking over the world! RAID THE NEAREST 7-11!!! STEAL FROM THE HOMELESS!!! KILL THE MAYOR!!! ALL FOR THE GLORIOUS LEGOLAS!!! Wait, scratch out that last part.

Disclaimer: In a dream, I saw the Eastern sky go dark. But in the West, a pale light lingered…Voices crying…they said, "I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!"

The Chapter After The Other Chapter! 

(That means the third chapter.)

Malik sighed as he left the alleyway. _Jeez, who knew sweet, insane little Mokuba was a dealer in the black-market?_ He shook his head and took a sip of his soda.

"…**DAMNIT**, **WHY** **DO** **I** **KEEP** **_DRINKING_** **THIS** **THING**?!" Malik screamed, coughing and gagging. He wiped his mouth and looked up, seeing a sign that said 'DOMINO PARK'. Under it, a smaller sign read 'You feed the squirrels, and we'll feed YOU to the squirrels.' Malik raised his eyebrow.

"What kind of squirrels they got in here?" He asked himself. 

"African Killer Squirrels." A passing woman said with a shudder. "They'll strip you clean in ten seconds flat. If you're lucky." She added.

"Man, are any animals in Africa that _aren't_ killers? First bees, then squirrels?" Malik shook his head.

"They got my husband." The woman stated sadly, also shaking her head. "I told him not to feed the squirrels, but did he listen? Nooo…" She walked away muttering under her breath. Malik entered the park, making sure to avoid anything that was, or resembled, a squirrel. As he walked through the park, he noticed that Bakura and Yami were sitting on a park bench. Malik walked over and saw that Bakura was, of course, feeding the squirrels.

"You're not supposed to do that." Malik stated, stopping in front of the bench and keeping well enough away from the squirrel-feeder. Bakura snorted.

"I'd like to see them stop me." He said, throwing some more peanuts. Yami snickered. Malik turned and looked at the Pharaoh.

"And what are you doing here?" He asked.

"Waiting to see when he gets attacked by the squirrels." Yami replied. "Dumbass." He added, shaking his head at Bakura. Malik sat down next to them.

"Jesus, did you guys lose the stick that you poke bears at the zoo with, or something?" He asked, smirking at them and leaning back on the bench. Yami and Bakura looked at each other in confusion. Bakura reached behind his back.

"No, it's right here…" He said uneasily, looking at Yami again with the same confused look and holding a large wooden stick. Malik rolled his eyes and took a drink of his soda. He stopped and stared down at it.

"DAMNIT, I DID IT AGAIN!" Malik screamed, spitting and coughing. Yami and Bakura stared at him.

"You know, they always spit in those cokes." Yami stated. 

"I KNOW! I KNOW!" Malik screamed at him. Bakura raised his eyebrow.

"…Then why do you keep-," He was interrupted by a fuming Malik.

"SHUT UP! OR I'LL SHUT YOU UP!" He screamed, waving his arms crazily. 

"I'd like to see that." Bakura smirked. 

"Me too." Yami smiled, crossing his arms and leaning back against the bench. 

"…_I'm not playing with you guys any more_!" Malik screamed, jumping off the bench and running away crying. Bakura grinned.

"Ha! That's what I- _THE_ _SQUIRRELS!_ _THE_ _SQUIIIIRREEEELS!_" Bakura dropped to the ground, rolling and screaming as the squirrels attacked him.

Yami smiled. "Dumbass…" 

Malik hurried out of the park, wiping his eyes. _Stupid_ _spirits_, he thought angrily. _Always_ _so_ _mean_ _to_ _me_… He stopped fuming when he looked up the street to see Yuugi riding his bicycle. Malik smiled. _Finally, the one sane person in this city! _

"Hey, Yuugi!" He called, waving.

"GET OUT OF THE ROAD, ASSHOLE!" Yuugi yelled, and ran Malik over with his bicycle. Malik sat up dizzily and put a hand on his throbbing head, watching as Yuugi sped off.

"Jesus, what the Hell was that about?" Malik asked himself. He stood up and brushed his shirt off. _Spaz_…Malik shook his head and walked away from the park, hoping to any God that he thought would listen that he wouldn't run into anymore of the local crazies. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(A/N)

Woo! Another craaaazy chapter of Malik's walk! What's going to happen, you ask? Well, if I told you, then I wouldn't have to write another chapter! But I am! So you must read it! Or else you won't know the ending! And you will go INSANE from the unknowingness! Yes, 'unknowingness' is an actual word!

Stay tuned for: The Chapter That Comes After This Chapter, And Doesn't Have Anymore Chapters After It! (That means the fourth, and last, chapter.)

Thanks for doing that thing!


	4. Chapter Four! CONCLUSION!

Malik's Day Out

A Yu-Gi-Oh! Fanfiction by SpookyChild

Author's Notes:

Wow! It's the last chapter! Goshy-goo, Betty Sue! What will happen? Will Malik finally go home? What other secrets will he find out? Is this even the same story? Did China explode yet? Will Gregory and William ever become one of the Legendary Ninjas? Will anyone ever understand what the Hell I'm talking about? Not if I can help it!

Disclaimer: Once, I owned Yu-Gi-Oh. Then this guy said, "HEY! Give me Yu-Gi-Oh or I'll shoot you in the head!" I gave it to him. I didn't want to die.

The Chapter That Comes After The Other Chapter, And Doesn't Have Anymore Chapters After It!

(That means the fourth, and last, chapter.)

Malik looked up at the sky. It was getting dark, and judging from the sun's position, he guessed that it was six or seven o'clock in the evening. He sighed and continued walking, his eyes on the ground. __

_This wasn't a very relaxing day. _Malik thought to himself, sticking his hands in his pockets. _I swear, this whole town is insane. _He shook his head. _I_ _mean, it's like_- "Oomf!" Malik fell to the ground, rubbing his head. He looked up, and immediately paled. Above him stood a very large, muscular bouncer to a club. The man looked down at him.

"You okay?" Came his gruff voice. Without waiting for Malik's answer, the man picked him up and held Malik in front of his face, studying him. Malik raised his eyebrow.

"Um, what are you-," He began, but the man cut him off.

"Yeah, they'll like you in here." Malik went to ask him what he meant, but before he could say anything the bouncer opened the door to the club and tossed him inside. Malik landed hard on the ground. He sat up, rubbing his back and looked around.

"What the…?" Malik looked around at the bar. It was pitch-black, the only lights being a strobe light on the dance floor and a light over the bar table. Malik raised his eyebrow. 

_There are a lot of men in here. _Malik noticed, looking around. He suddenly froze as a realization hit him. _Oh my God, I'm in a GAY BAR! _ Malik immediately screamed and jumped up.

"Screw this! I'm leaving!" Malik turned and ran to the door before he noticed someone sitting at the bar. He slowly walked over and stopped behind him.

"Ryou?!" Malik cried, seeing the albino boy drinking a martini. Ryou turned around and glanced at him.

"What?" Ryou looked at Malik in confusion. "I'm sorry, but I'm not Ryou." Before Malik could say anything more, Ryou turned back around. 

"Ryou, it's you!" Malik exclaimed. Ryou turned back around and glared at him.

"You must be mistaken, my name is Anastasia VanHoutan." Ryou turned to the bartender and made a motion that Malik was crazy.

"Ryou!"

"Oh, all right! What do you want?!" Ryou snapped. 

"What are you doing in a place like this?" Malik asked, looking over his shoulder at the male strippers. He shuddered. Ryou shrugged and finished off his drink.

"Bakura was talking about buying air-line tickets to go see an Avril Lavigne concert." Ryou explained. "When I reminded him that he didn't like her music, he told me to get the Hell out of his face, and not to come back until I was in a better mood. So, here I am!" Ryou threw his hands in the air and giggled. Malik raised his eyebrow.

"Um, Ryou, you look a bit drunk. Do you want me to call someone to drive you home?" He asked. Ryou shook his head and giggled again.

"No thank you, I'll be fine." He turned to the waiter. "Yeah, I'm going to need a martini in one of those Big Gulp cups."

"Oh, forget it." Malik threw his hands up exasperatedly. "I'm leaving." He got off the bar stool and headed for the door.

"Hey, you should stick around!" Ryou called to him. "The waiters serve your drinks wearing thongs!"

Malik hurried out of the club and ran down the street. _Jesus! The whole world hasn't just gone crazy, it's gone gay! _He thought to himself. He turned the corner and saw Anzu standing on the corner, wearing nothing but a bra, a mini-skirt, and thigh-high boots. She grinned suggestively at him.

"Hey, Big Boy, you looking for a good time?" Anzu winked at him. 

"No!" Malik screamed. "I'd rather be _gay_ then have sex with you!" He then turned and ran in the direction of his house, screaming and pulling his hair out. He didn't stop running until he reached his front yard. He hurried through the door and locked it. Breathing hard, Malik turned and looked to see Y. Malik and Isis throwing things at each other. Malik raised his eyebrow.

"What are you guys doing?" He asked. Y. Malik grinned at him.

"Playing Lego's!" He then grabbed a red Lego and hurled it at Isis. It hit her in the eye.

"Ow!" Isis cried, placing a hand over her injury. "That was the corner!" Y. Malik dropped to the ground, giggling like crazy. Isis growled at him and turned to Malik.

"Hey, welcome home. I was just about to fix dinner. Anything you want?" She asked. Malik sunk down into the couch, pressing the 'PLAY' button on the remote for the VCR. 'Martha Stuart Living' began playing.

"A martini in a Big Gulp." Malik muttered. Isis raised her eyebrow and went into the kitchen. Y. Malik sat next to him on the couch, staring at him.

"Aww, Malik's sad. WHAT'S THE MATTER?!" He screamed, jumping on top of Malik. Malik sighed.

"Well, I'm not gay or anything, but I was just wondering why _we_ don't have a relationship. I mean, it seems to be a Yami / Hikari thing; just look at Yuugi and Yami. Hell, even Ryou and Bakura are together! I was just wondering why we never got together, that's all." Malik exclaimed. He shrugged and looked over at Y. Malik.

 Immediately, Malik noticed that the idiot look in his Yami's eyes had vanished, and what replaced it was a look of unholy evil and dangerous insanity. Y. Malik shoved Malik against the couch and climbed on top of him, pinning his arms behind his back.

"It's _simple_." Y. Malik hissed. "They are _weak_. I will destroy this world, and everyone in it." He smiled sinisterly. "I will take special pleasure in tearing you apart limb from limb. And your sister," Y. Malik laughed, "I will relish in her screams of agony as I rip her organs out and feed them to her."

Malik shrunk away from his Yami's terrifying gaze. Suddenly, the look of intensity left Y. Malik's eyes, and was replaced by the familiar, 'I-have-the-I.Q-of-a-tablecloth' look. 

"WHO WANTS COOKIES?!" Y. Malik screamed at the top of his lungs, hopping off of Malik and running into the kitchen. Malik blinked and raised his eyebrow.

_What the Hell just happened? _He asked himself.

"Sister ISIS wants cookies!" Y. Malik giggled from the kitchen. "CHOCOLATE CHIP ATTACK!" He screamed suddenly. There came the ominous sound of hundreds of tiny chocolate chips rolling on the floor.

"_Pick those up! _" Isis shrieked. Malik put a hand over his throbbing forehead.

"I'm going to take a walk."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(A/N)

It's over! 

Thanks for doing that thing!


End file.
